This story is intended for amusement purposes only. This story is not meant to infringe on the names of Remington Steele, Laura Holt or anything that would cause MTM productions or anybody else to sue me. This story is the property of Lisa Watson ã 2000.
Remington has the guys over for a friendly game of cards and ends up in the hot seat!
Remington Steele was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on his bourbon chicken. It was a new recipe that had caught his eye and he'd been impatient to try it.
"Smells good, when do we eat?" A man's voice sounded from the doorway.
Remington's colorful life had taught him never to be caught off guard by anything. He didn't bat an eyelash when he replied. "Just as soon as the other chaps arrive."
Remington finished his entree, wiped his hands and pulled off his apron. He turned and went to slap his old friend on the shoulder.
"Ah Milo, good to see you again mate. I see you haven't lost your touch." Remington observed.
"Likewise Xenos. Still living the good life I see." Milo replied with humor. "You're really going to stick to this Remington Steele thing aren't you my friend?" Milo asked as he and Remington went in to the living room.
"Why not? The pay is superlative, I've excelled as a world class detective and become famous. Women throw themselves at the distinguished Remington Steele. Why shouldn't I be enamoured by the role I play eh?" Remington asked.
"It would appear you've overlooked being shot at, risking life and limb on a daily basis, long hours, a ton of paperwork and the endless sea of fabric you ruin." Milo laughed. "Oh, how remiss of me Xenos, the icing on the cake must be your paramour Miss Holt?" Milo said as he sat back on the couch.
"She's not my paramour." Remington clarified.
Milo cocked an eyebrow and would have spoken but the doorbell chimed ending the discussion on the perks and perils of Remington Steele.
Remington opened the door and greeted his other guests.
"Monroe, I was just going to put out an all points bulletin on you mate." Remington said as he stepped aside.
"Now Mick, you know I'm never late..." Monroe started.
"Yep, that's my job. You know how we americans are." His other guest said as he walked in.
"Ah DeMarcus, good to see you again. Come in, come in." Remington said shutting the door behind him.
"Milo, I don't think you've had the pleasure of meeting Monroe's brother-in-law. Milo DeWinter, DeMarcus Drake." Remington said introducing the two men.
The two men shook hands and exchanged pleasantries while Remington and Monroe headed for the kitchen.
"You've outdone yourself, as usual Mick. Some snacks or cold cuts would have sufficed you know." Monroe said as Remington handed him a tray.
"Good Lord Monroe! Perish the thought." Remington said in mock chagrin.
"How many?" Monroe asked as he poised the cards in front of Remington.
"Hmm?" Remington asked absentmindedly.
"Cards Mick, how many?" Monroe repeated.
"Sorry mate, two would be fine." Remington said pulling two cards from his hand to exchange with Monroe.
Milo looked up but refrained from comment.
"Don't bother asking me Monroe, I'm out." DeMarcus said sliding his cards across the table.
"I fold as well." Monroe said dismally.
"Well Xenos, that leaves just you and me. Let's see the damage." Milo said smiling.
"Two pair." Remington said laying his cards on the table.
"You know my friend, I've always admired the royal family. Milo grinned laying his cards down.
"Damn!" Remington remarked when he saw Milo's royal flush.
"Play much Steele?" DeMarcus laughed reaching for another beer.
"Mick used to swindle quite a few chaps out of their earnings when we were young. Not that you'd know that from this evening's game." Monroe said as went to the dining room to refill his plate.
"Ok come clean Xenos, your mind has been everywhere but on this game." Milo noted.
"He's got a point Mick." Monroe added between bites.
"Remington Steele, Xenos, Mick. Damn man, you've got more names than Lil's got boxes of tea." DeMarcus chuckled.
"That's Lillith." Monroe corrected.
"Too stuffy Monroe. Sounds like a name people with lisps practice on." DeMarcus said.
"I beg your pardon; Lillith is a family name. It's been passed down for generations." Monroe said stiffly.
"Well I think it should have stayed with the last old bat it was buried with." DeMarcus said chuckling.
"Now see here..." Monroe began.
"Will you two go to neutral corners? I don't want Xenos thinking he's gotten away with not answering the question. Which you haven't." Milo said pointedly.
"By the way, what kind of name's Milo DeWinter? Sounds French not Greek." DeMarcus asked.
"It's not greek." Milo said smiling. "In my line of work it doesn't pay to use your family name. Where I grew up, everyone knew everyone. It wasn't honorable to disgrace your family. Besides, Andreas Stefanopolis was hardly a name that evoked fear in some and curiosity in others." Milo said.
"There you have it, the associated press release. Now stop interrupting." Monroe told his brother-in-law.
"Who me?" DeMarcus said innocently.
Remington was enjoying the conversation immensely, especially since it wasn't centered on him. His pleasure was short lived as three pairs of eyes turned on him.
"It's Laura." Remington said briefly.
"Uh, could you elaborate a bit Steele?" DeMarcus asked.
"I don't know, it's just that. Well things between us are becoming a tad...mundane." Remington said.
"You mean she's boring your ass to death?" DeMarcus queried.
"DeMarcus really. Do step out of character and attempt to be serious." Monroe chastised.
"I was." DeMarcus replied.
"Well, yes and no. It's not that Laura is boring, far from it. It's just that the relationship isn't going as I expected, it hasn't for quite some time." Remington said.
"Well Xenos, perhaps you should take steps to spice your life with Laura up a bit." Milo offered.
"I
agree man, when things with Lil and I get
predictable, we try adding new things we haven't tried
before. Take the other night
for instance. Lil brought home this sexy little..."
"Now see here DeMarcus, that's Lillith you're talking about. I don't want to here sordid details about my own sister for God's sake!" Monroe said looking appalled.
"Besides, it would be precipitative. Laura and I have yet to explore the part of our relationship that would require a sexy little anything." Remington said dryly.
"Well I can see why; if you talk like that around her it's no wonder you aren't having breakfast in bed. You brits; you're always so stiff." DeMarcus laughed loudly.
"I'm hardly stiff," Remington replied indignantly.
"Well my friend, therein lies your problem." Milo chuckled.